スタッフいずみの添削体験記

添削体験記19: 添削は3時間後!間違い指摘にがっくり

スタッフいずみの添削体験記

こんにちは、スタッフいずみです。

私が受講しているのは 「中級インテンシブ・プログラム」の全12回。
Lesson 8 の課題を楽しんだ私。Garry先生のfeedbackは、3時間後という超高速でした✌
内容に満足していた私ですが、間違いはきっちりと指摘されてしょんぼりです。

Dear Mike,

Hello. I’m writing you to request our an additional advertising budget on for our upcoming Valentine’s Day Campaign in February. We would like to spend 800,000yen on pillars ads in Sakura Square where many people gather as a meeting spot to boost our sales in February.  Putting up a campaign poster costs 50,000 per pillar and 4 pillars are on in each direction. The total pillars are 16 so the total cost will be 800,000 yen.The term is 2 weeks. Additional 20,000 yen will be necessary to prepare 16 of our Valentine’s campaign posters.

First, the Valentine’s Day is a big deal among women here in Japan. In Japan, unlike other English speaking countries, it’s a day when women confess their loves to their lovers. It’s also used as a thank-you gift to someone whom women appreciate.
It’s called ‘obligation chocolate’. Such a gift giving culture brings a lot of profit to food industries; therefore, they focus on their chocolate sales and campaign in February.

In addition, one of our rival hotels in town, W hotel, did this advertisement advertized last Christmas and made more profit than they had expected. I’ve talked with a person in charge from the Marketing and she highly recommends this ads. She said it‘s is(フォーマルライティングでは省略はNGでした。) totally worth it very worthwhile.(『「広告」をする価値がある、』と言いたかったのです。) I’d like to try something new ads for the Valentine’s Day this year. We sold 500,000 yen in chocolate boxes last year but I expect 1,500,000 yen this year which will pay off the pillar ads fee as well.

Finally, I strongly believe this ads idea in Sakura Square will bring a lot of profit to our sales. Even though it‘s has(フォーマルライティングでは省略はNG)  not sold as we expected, the pillar ads will advertize our hotel to the public which will eventually lead to our hotel‘s name‘s being recognized to people in town in the future.

Please take my idea into consideration and feel free to contact me if you have any further questions.

それにしても、スペルミスはもったいないです。反省。

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