スタッフいずみの添削体験記

添削体験記10: 英文メール・今までで一番の出来♡

スタッフいずみの添削体験記

みなさんこんにちは。スタッフいずみです。

※私が受講しているのは 「中級インテンシブ・プログラム」の全12回です。

毎回、受講生のみなさんがPC画面とにらめっこしながら取り組んでおられる姿を想像しながら、私も本気でやっています!

さて、『許可を得る』の1回目添削戻りました。

Garry先生

“Well done. The first paragraph was a problem. The rest of the assignment was very well done.”

=始めの段落が問題だったけど、あとはすごくよくできていましたよ。

 

褒めていただきました(*´▽`*)

 

赤は目立ちますが、2段落以降見てください、ほとんど赤点ありません!

 

From: K. Ideguchi <kayo.ideguchi@hiflite.com>
Date: February 19, 20XX
To: Rebecca Santiago <Rebecca.Santiago@hiflite.com>
Cc:
Subject: Additional purchase requestDear Rebecca,

 

I’m do not use conjunctions in business emails (またやってしまった!ビジネスでは省略形はNGでした!)e-mailing you today to ask for unnecessary (for は不要)your permission to purchase new design software, called “Page-2-Print” which is necessary to prep (前置詞違う) upgrading prep(前置詞違う)Windows 7. the way you had it worded it was necessary to have this new software to upgrade to Windows 7 (→この言い方だと、Windowsアップグレードにこのソフトが必要、という意図になるよ、の指摘)Our company is planning to upgrade pronoun (代名詞)entire PCs ww (単語違い。computerでしょうか…?)to Windows 7 in two months; however, we’ve found out that the software our design department is currently using, Final Draft, does not support this @ (冠詞違い)new Windows 7. Unfortunately, we were not aware of this problem when the company budget was planned.

In order to meet the upgrading timeline, we would like to buy a site license for new software, Page-2-Print, on 7 computers in our office. The total cost for this purchase will be $12,000. Page-2-Print can work exactly the same as the current software, Final Draft, and run on Windows 7, so there will be no problem at all for replacing the software.

I am (I’m と省略形にしていました(>_<))aware that this is an additional purchasing request and should have noticed this problem earlier; however, we need this new software to meet the company’s computer upgrading timeline. I also believe Page-2-Print will allow us to carry out our daily tasks smoothly and ease daily operations. Could you kindly give us a permission to proceed with this purchase?

I’m looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Best regards,

 

K. Ideguchi

Illustrator, Design department

やっぱ前置詞指摘が多いです。でも、後半ほぼノーミスだったので、満足度UPです。

これなら2回目の提出ではPerfect狙えます!・・・I hope・・・

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